My Travels

Sanctuary

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:15:17 -0500

I went to a newly opened place called Pathways Spiritual Sanctuary near Lead, SD. A man opened it free to the public as a place to come and Be. I walked the path and enjoyed the sculptures and quotations. I definitely felt a presence there on these grounds. I suppose it is the intention set by the man constructing the space. I loved the Labyrinth, I waked barefoot on the sand and brick construction. I asked a question, how do I heal? I received an impression in the inner circle of my being a queen and ruling over many people. To be in that kind of position shifted my thinking. Maybe I will incorporate the Queen as an archetype.

Godfather

Fri, 9 Jul 2010 01:09:52 -0500

It is strange. My aunt and uncle on my mother’s side came to town for a visit. They are my Godparents and they didn’t know it. I knew. It is strange how they are both single. He is mom’s mother’s brother, she is mom’s sister. I feel like this is symbolic somehow. I feel comforted with this Godfather around, plus he is genuinely religious (most of my relatives are Atheist). I had work to do, but put it aside. After losing Dad, I don’t want to miss this opportunity to know them both a little better.

Independence

Sat, 3 Jul 2010 18:53:57 -0500

I used to think I knew what I wanted to be happy. Today I’m pretty sure it isn’t outside of me. My studies in spirituality go on and I am pretty baffled at the outer world, but still curious. I feel pretty accepting of my dad’s death. I feel love and gratitude for all we shared. I am reading Deepok Chopra’s book about synchronicity because I notice it more. I want to go, go, go, but I need to work, work work.

Bewildered

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:31:13 -0500

It’s been a week since Dad’s death. I went over to his place today around the same time. I have been back several times, but this is the first by myself. I scrubbed the shower w/comet and the floor, toilet, he had dried blood on the wall for a couple years. I’m rethinking taking the furniture. I don’t need to make my life into a shrine to replace him or to remind me. I do have an altar set up for him, but I must let go of it too. I sorted all his papers. Threw most of them away. I feel detached doing it. I got emotional when someone yelled at me for not pulling in enough in a parking lot. I shouted “HEY, MY DAD JUST DIED” he replied “yeah, well so did mine”.

Greener Pastures

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 23:55:30 -0500

My Dad made the Ultimate Journey this week and I feel like I lost everything . I compare him to the Bison the Sioux revered so sacredly. I never realized all he truly meant to me and to so many others. I am grateful to have been able to have been near him these past 7 1/2 months. I am sure life will go on for me, but never will it feel the same. He was a tower of strength.

working like a dog

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 00:08:39 -0500

I’m getting ready to do a show in Billings, Montana next weekend. It’s a good 300 miles from here. I feel a little overwhelmed with many thoughts, directions. I watched the movie Modigliani and I am sure I need to work on art art. The pressure really is stimulating. I need to work for some purpose. Artistic freedom come at a price. I need to gamble.

I’m a blabber mouth

Fri, 9 Apr 2010 01:23:22 -0500

I just deleted a former entry. I get carried away on these blogs time to time. Sometimes I am so very emotional and want to spill my guts.
I realize lately that Imagination has a positive and negative pole. I guess creativity is bi-polar, a mental illness of sorts. Well here I go getting carried away again.

Taj Mahal

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:41:19 -0600

I went for a whirlwind drive through Montana and Wyoming the last few days. I was awestruck over and over. It felt like I was somehow “taken” on the trip. I was led from place to place, I didn’t really plan a lot. The mountains were really etheric, the snow in Yellowstone sparkled. The lone wolf captured my spirit.

Parrot

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 22:32:33 -0600

I saw a lady yelling and swearing loudly as she walked by herself down the street this morning as I left the thrift store. I was struck by her because she was yelling “I hate Rapid City and they are all liars and “”f this place, etc. I stopped to connect with her and ask if she was alright and then it hit me that I knew her and she attends meetings I attend. I feel she was a parrot relaying to me my own thoughts (although at that moment, I was fine). It reminded me of the “crazy” woman who talked to herself on her commute to work whom Eckhart Tolle followed as decribed in “A New Earth. He said internally his mind was as disturbed. I took notice. My other friend offered me a cockatiel ( in the parrot family).

Suffering

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:51:43 -0600

I’m really tired of all the needless suffering. I feel my minds spinning a web around me to keep me unconscious. It’s like I’m two people a Jekyl and Hyde emotionally. I can’t shake it, it seems to have a life of it’s own and I’m possessed emotionally through compulsive thinking. Is this tortured artist syndrum? I guess if I focused more on the present, my breath, I wouldn’t lose my self everyday. I feel like I get lost and off track.
I keep running into parrots (symbolically speaking). I asked a shaman friend what it meant, and she said they mimic, it’s like the voice in the head.